


(I know it’s just a number) but you are the eighth wonder

by rig_ma_role



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Relationships, Happy Ending, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT)-centric, Massage, Minor Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Suh Youngho | Johnny is Whipped, Sweet Mark Lee (NCT), Tiny bit angsty, lots of metaphors, mark thinks a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:00:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25285024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rig_ma_role/pseuds/rig_ma_role
Summary: Summer. Sand and (unrequited) Love.Or alternatively; Mark Lee pines a lot.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 22
Kudos: 173





	(I know it’s just a number) but you are the eighth wonder

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what the hell this is. It just poured out. Pure word vomit.  
> Sad boi Mark Lee who ultimately gets is happy ending.
> 
> Title from Fall Out Boy's - Wilson(Expensive Mistakes)
> 
> its from the chorus which I absolutely love:
> 
> I hope the roof flies off and I get blown out into space  
> I always make such expensive mistakes  
> I know it's just a number but you're the 8th wonder  
> I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color
> 
> Also Nature Republic basically got free advertising from this fic. Istg  
> Not beta-ed. Excuse the mistakes.  
> Enjoy.

They have a rare couple of days off after the Nature republic shoot. With a bit of begging and Taeyong pulling out the puppy eyes, the managers agree to let them have a proper beach bound vacation. There are calls made, schedules shuffled, and people yelled at, but it gets them three days off so none of them can really be bothered to feel guilty.

The manager hyungs are even kind enough to book a nice seafront hotel on their behalf and skedaddled back to Seoul, taking with them a majority of the staff. The guards are left behind (for their own safety) and a few stragglers from the general staff to help manage nine rowdy boys.

The risk of being discovered by the fans is minimal as almost the entire country is still indoors, and the beachfront is so secluded that they are literally the only ones there.

Mark thinks that this is the best thing to happen since the invention of watermelon sorbet. Not to put down their million-seller milestone or their debut but he's so _tired_. And as of right now a vacation is what he so desperately needs.

They choose their roommates through a hastily played rock paper scissors. Mark lands with Jaehyun. But that partnership is short lived, exactly ten seconds. Taeyong sweet talks Donghyuck into exchanging with Jaehyun.

Seems like Mark is stuck with Hyuck for the next three days. He loves Hyuck to death, but he can sometimes be a bit too much. Mark plans on having a chilled-out vacation; laid back, a glass of juice in hand maybe many naps under the shade of an umbrella in the sun, but Hyuck is bound to throw a wrench into his plans.

Mark looks on in envy as Taeyong hooks an arm around Jaehyun's elbow and skips off to their assigned room.

Taeyong and Jaehyun assume that they are being discreet. But as Mark so very intimately knows, living with eight other people leaves little room for secrecy.

They'd started to _hang out_ together, just the two of them, about a year ago. Everyone quickly figured out what was going on. The way Jaehyun's ears bloomed bright red every time he was with Taeyong, was a dead giveaway. Not to mention how the _mostly quiet_ Taeyong clung to Jaehyun like a barnacle, pulling at his hair, pinching his cheek, being a regular nuisance. The occasional loud bed squeaks and stifled moans further cemented what the nature of their relationship was. The rest of them didn't push for a confession from the two. They just adjusted and occasionally bent the truth a bit when the manager hyungs asked why their leader and vocalist were missing at odd times.

Mark is jealous, not of them, but of their relationship.

His internal tumult is interrupted by Donghyuck, returning from the reception with their room key in hand. "You know it's kind of cute that they can have a beach getaway. No prying eyes." Hyuck says with a thoughtful look, watching their retreating backs. "And look our room keys have actual seashell key-tags. How cute is that?" He exclaims, rattling the keys around.

The hotel only has two stories. But it's lack of height is compensated by how it spreads out covering a good portion of the beach front it's situated on. But compared to most hotels they've been to it's pretty small and private. There’s an elevator to the second floor but they decide to climb up to their room, enjoying the abstract art tacked along the stairway.

"This one kind of looks like a boob" Hyuck comments with a snigger, pointing at one of the paintings on the top landing. Mark rolls his eyes and follows, dragging along his bag filled with a few changes of clothing and swim trunks.

Room 203 is unexpectedly larger than Mark thought it would be. There are two beds covered in white, one near the window which takes up the entire wall. He calls dibs on the window side bed by throwing his bag on it. Hyuck whines in protest but settles down on the other bed. Donghyuck has always been sweet on him, unlike the other members. Sometimes its too easy to get what Mark wants from him. 

Mark fiddles around with the latch on the window and finds that it slides aside to a balcony overlooking the expanse of the beach and beyond it the sea. The breeze wafting in from the opened window smells salty and clings to his face. He kind of likes it.

"We don't have to go out soon right?" Mark asks.

"Nope. Dinner's around seven-ish and we are free till then. Everyone said they are like super tired, so they'll all probably just rest till then" Hyuck replies, stretching out on the bed looking like he's ready for a good nap himself.

"Cool. Wake you up around six-thirty then?"

Hyuck hums a yes and promptly goes to sleep.

Mark is often amazed by Donghyuck's ability to just fall asleep, whenever and wherever. Much like a cat. He smiles to himself and steps out on the balcony. There are a couple of chairs and a table with a tropical looking flower arrangement on it. He prods at it with a finger and finds that the flowers are real.

Mark sits down on one of the chairs and closes his eyes, trying to rid himself of thoughts unnecessary for a vacation. It's relaxing, just sitting there, letting the breeze ruffle his hair and wick away the sweat left over from the day.

He hears a high-pitched shriek from far away and his eyes snap open. It seems like not everyone is resting. He can see Jaehyun and Taeyong playing around on the beach. They are so far off he almost can't make out it's them, but the way Taeyong runs and adorably wiggles his arms is unmistakable.

Jaehyun picks Taeyong up and twirls him around before sneaking in a quick kiss, soft and playful. Mark's heart races as he tries to see if anyone is around to spot the display of affection. Thankfully the beach and its surroundings are deserted. Just to be extra sure he leans over the sides of the railing to make sure that no one is sitting on their balconies with a front row view to the Taeyong and Jaehyun show.

His efforts are wasted when he realizes that all the other balconies are empty. Mark's pretty sure that they are the only guests in the hotel right now. The location is sequestered away, and he assumes that the company booked the whole place for them. Undoubtedly the best way to avoid strangers and possible inquisitive busybodies out for _hot new_ _gossip_.

Mark settles back down on the chair and tries to relax again, but his thoughts become clouded by Taeyong and Jaehyun and their relationship. He's happy for them, truly. But the ugly feeling in his chest that tells him he can't have what they have makes him want to weep sometimes. Just cry and cry, until all his hurt pours out with his tears.

Being _not_ straight wasn't something that was discussed, at school or at home. He'd only learnt of it when the cute older boy down the street, who he used to play with, got together with another boy and his mom had relayed the news with a tiny twist of her lips. Not entirely disdainful but not entirely excepting.

He'd been too afraid to ask beyond that.

For Mark, the internet served as a teacher on all things queer. And the slow but steady realization that he too might belong to a category that is not _straight_ , had him reeling. Would his family be ok with this? Would he be okay with this?.

Mark is again pulled out of his morbid thoughts by his name being called out. He peeks over the balcony to see Johnny in shorts and a t-shirt, sunglasses tucked into his collar and his camera slung around his neck.

"Wanna take a stroll?" He asks. "We can go see the sunset.".

Mark reckons that sitting around stewing in his thoughts isn't going to be much fun.

"Yeah hyung. Just give me a minute. I'll come down" Mark changes from shoes to flip-flops, picks up one of the keys and runs down the stairs. The little seashell key-tag digs into his palm when he clenches it in his hand.

Johnny Suh is kind of the bane of his existence these days.

Mark's foray into the intricacies of being a little gay boy started with Lee Taeyong. Taeyong was very pretty. He still is pretty. But the sparkly feelings wore off after a while and Taeyong took on more of a brotherly role in Mark's life.

But with Johnny it was the complete opposite.

Mark's own brother is twelve years older than him and they've never had a deep connection. So, after moving to Korea, Johnny filled in the much-needed older brother role for Mark. The fact that he could converse easily in a language more comfortable on his tongue was one of the first reasons he got so attached to Johnny. Commiserating over homesickness was a close second.

He started off as the best bro Mark could ever ask for.

But years in, Johnny went from _best bro_ to secret crush to unrequited love. Mark wears his little brother persona like a second skin so as not to disrupt the balance that is in place. He doesn't need to be the domino that sets off a terrible chain reaction of rejection, heartache and scandals.

Mark admires Taeyong and Jaehyun's ability to dive in headfirst. His cowardly self needs to learn.

.

.

.

Johnny's standing with his hands tucked in his pockets, staring at the sea, as if he'd like to get carried away with the waves. His face lights up with a bright smile when he sees Mark and beckons him over to the little rock near his feet.

"Look at this. It's a hermit crab" he says with a gleeful little giggle.

Mark watches the tiny thing scuttle off the rock, trip and fall on it back in the sand. The poor thing seems pathetic, with its legs wriggling. He's about to pick it up and set it right when the crab sticks his little legs out to the side and flips itself over scurrying away like nothing happened. Mark feels like there's some worldly lesson to be learned here but he's too tired to make sense of it

"Come-on then" Johnny says and grabs Mark's hand pulling him towards the beach. Mark tries to calm his heart and hopes that Johnny can't feel his pulse, rising from where they are connected.

Casual contact. An act so ordinary and habitual among the members. But with Jonny it's always special. A connection saying, I’m here. I think the world of you. A soft secret _I love you_.

It's close to six and the sun is approaching the horizon a finger's width away from sinking down into the depths of the sea. The sky is shot through with purples and pinks so vibrant Mark wishes he could paint, just to capture it on a canvas. 

Mark's hand is still enclosed by Johnny's bigger and warmer grip. He wonders if Johnny is as acutely aware of it as he is. They walk parallel to the waves getting their feet wet. The waves feel like a caress on Mark's ankles tickling at his shin and retreating just as fast.

Johnny looks contemplatively out at the sunset and then to Mark's disappointment, let's get of his hand.

"Can you walk off a bit so I can take a photo of you from behind. The sky would make a really great background." Johnny says giving Mark's shoulder a playful shove.

"Is that why you brought me out here?" Mark laughs. "To be your supermodel". Mark strikes a ridiculous pose, sticking his hip out and placing a hand on it.

He expects Johnny to laugh boisterously, but only receives a croaking chuckle, which kind of sticks in Johnny's throat. Strange.

"Just walk off into the sunset won't you. And let me get my photos" Johnny says and kicks a bit of wet sand in Mark's direction.

"Fine! Fine!" he yells elated, running off, away from Johnny. He spots Jaehyun and Taeyong a bit further away, but they are far off enough that Johnny and Mark's ridiculousness won't bother them. Hyuck was right. The two of them deserve a nice summer getaway. It must be torturous to hide behind doors and be aware of the many _many_ eyes that are constantly on them.

"Mark dude that's far enough. Are you trying to run away from me?" Mark stops jogging and turns around to see Johnny waving his hand and doubling up in laughter. Well shit. He got so carried away with his thoughts that he'd run too far.

Mark tracks back to Johnny and stops a little way off.

"Is this close enough" he asks sheepishly.

"Yep. Now just pretend like you are taking a nice lonely walk down the beach" Johnny says and starts clicking away at the camera.

Johnny flips through the photos and hums in satisfaction. "That should do it. We'll take one together as well." He drags over a washed-up looking branch and places the camera on it. Setting the timer, he runs at Mark and picks him up with a laugh and swings him around in a circle. Mark gives a little scream that trails of into laughter.

"Hyung what the hell? The photo! It’s going to be ruined."

Johnny puts Mark down and shuffles around so that they are standing side by side, Johnny's arm around Mark's waist and Mark's hand laid casually on Johnny's shoulder. "Nah it's cool. It's on a burst shot. It's probably still going. Face the camera so it'll get a good shot."

Mark gives the camera big grin and deems the photo to have been successfully taken. He looks to his right to see Johnny looking down at him, haloed by the setting sun, hair artfully ruffled by the wind. His eyes look like molten gold, staring down at Mark like he's his universe.

Mark chokes and quickly moves away. He hates it. Hates how Johnny just looks at him like he's _precious_. Completely unaware of how Mark feels, like combusting into pieces and getting blown away with the wind. He feels trapped in his own skin.

Mark quietly watches Johnny pick up the camera and run through the burst shots. There's probably around a hundred or so. Johnny smiles and brings over the camera to show the sequence of images playing over how Johnny lifts Mark up and swings him around. It's cute.

"Hmm might convert it into a gif or something." Johnny says with a chuckle.

Mark makes a noncommittal sound and walks away, closer to the waves, leaving Johnny with his camera.

"Mark you ok. Did I do something wrong?" Johnny calls after him.

"Ah! what? No hyung, just wanted to see the sun go down completely." Mark lies.

Johnny joins him and sits down in a dry spot of sand. He tugs Mark down next to him.

Johnny is quiet for a few moments watching the waves make their way to the shore, glittering in hues of muted red and deep blue, under the barely visible shaving sun. Mark's appreciation for Johnny's silence is soon broken.

"Mark. You have a lot on your mind. And I get that. You don't _have_ to tell me anything, but I would like it if you talked. It's not good to keep it all bottled up. Next thing you know it's going to be Mt. Vesuvius"

Mark stares at the final rays of sun eagerly reaching the heavens. He can't bear to look at Johnny. Can't bear to see those honeyed eyes. He'd break and blurt out _everything_.

"You think I'm going to blow hyung?" Mark scoffs out a sad little laugh, digging his toes into the gritty sand. Maybe he can slowly burry himself under, just to escape Johnny's gaze. "I'm alright. You really don't have to worry."

Johnny softly reaches over and tilts Mark's face towards him. Mark quickly closes his eyes. No no no.

"Mark look at me."

Johnny's hand is still holding at his chin. Unrelenting.

Mark takes a shaky little breath and peers through half opened lids. He sees Johnny soft gaze, tracing over Mark's face, trying to decipher the chaos within his eyes.

Mark swallows thickly and gets up.

"I….I...have to wake up Hyuck. He'll be mad if he misses dinner. I promised him I'd wake him up…." Mark stutters and runs off without looking back, leaving Johnny in the sand. Alone and confused.

* * *

Dinner is a whole affair. There are mountains of seafood, rice and all sorts of delicacies that melt on the tongue. Mark can't really taste much of anything. He picks at his food under Hyuck’s worried eyes, but he smiles through it and swallows down a few different things, just to appease the questioning looks that the other members are throwing him.

"Damn it! Johnny dragged in a whole lot of sand into our room." Taeil complains, stabbing at a slice of pineapple. Johnny laughs out a _sorry_ and offers Taeil a bite of his shrimp as an apology.

Mark tries not to stare at the way Johnny holds out his fork, feeding Taeil with a little smile pulling at the sharp corner of his lips. He sees Mark's gaze and raises an eyebrow.

Mark gives a small strained grin and busies himself talking to Jungwoo, who has his plate piled up so high it looks ready to topple over.

"Hyung you're going to get a stomachache." Mark chastises Jungwoo with a scrunch of his nose.

"Markie my boy. I have a stomach of steel. And if I get sick Yuta will take care of me. Won't you roomie?"

Yuta eyes the two of them in distress. "Damn it Jungwoo. Doyoung swap with me. I don't want to see Jungwoo puke clams." He whines tugging at Doyoung's sleeve.

Doyoung had basically won the jackpot. Not having to room with anyone and to top it all off, his room even has a nice little private jacuzzi. Mark is positive the rest of the members will be barging in on Doyoung, hoping for a dip in the jacuzzi.

He quickly finishes up eating and excuses himself to bed. Unlike most of the others he didn't get to rest. So, going to bed seems like the best choice. There's three more days to enjoy everything else.

Mark trudges back upstairs unaware of the multiple pairs of worried eyes that follow him.

* * *

Mark is woken up by a pillow to the face. He groans and blinks open an eye to see Hyuck already in his board-shorts carrying a giant towel and sunscreen.

"Get up! Get up! It's like nine already. We have to go to the beach." He screeches and hits Mark with another pillow.

Mark is still a little emotionally hung over but the bright sun streaming in from the open window, warming the side of his face makes him feel a bit better.

"Hyuck, you demon. I wish there's a manual to send you back to hell." Mark groans, getting up from the bed and stretching out all his limbs till he hears the satisfying pop of his joints.

Hyuck grins and swats Mark's ass with the towel in his hand. "I mean I would do great in hell. Probably be crowned prince. But I can't stand the thought of leaving you behind. Who'd wake you up and give you cuddles and annoy you when you are being moody?" Hyuck asks twirling sound the room dramatically.

Mark would tease Donghyuck about how he's a pain in the ass, but in all honesty Hyuck is the best friend he could ask for. He's strangely in tune with Mark's emotions and is always there to offer support. Even if Mark doesn't accept it freely.

It's ten by the time they make it to the beach. The sun is almost at its peak blazing down on them. For Mark breakfast was a simple affair of pancakes and fruit. Hyuck had hit the Korean section and loaded up with some bibimbap and egg rolls.

It turns out they are the last to make it to the beach. Everyone else is in some form of undress, already in the water or lying under gigantic umbrellas placed in the sand.

Hyuck drags Mark over to Johnny who's sitting under a bright blue umbrella slathering on sunscreen. Yuta is sitting next to him offering up his back to Johnny getting help in applying some of the roll-on cream. The moment Johnny finishes up with Yuta's back, he runs off down to the shore screaming ' _free nature republic shit for lyfe_ ' alighting giggles from Jungwoo, who's paddling along on a doughnut floatie.

Mark takes a seat next to Johnny thinking that Hyuck will also join them but contrary as usual he suddenly runs off, leaving Mark alone with Johnny.

"Yah! put on sunscreen you'll burn." He screams after Hyuck.

"Already did while you were washing" Hyuck screams back and follows after Yuta.

Mark isn't awkward around Johnny. He's had too much experience being the good little bro to Johnny's older bro. So, he puts a smile on his face and turns to the other man.

"He's a menace" Mark says fondly. "Can I borrow the sunscreen hyung" he asks Johnny who's finishing up the expanse of his arms."

"Only if you help me with my back" Johnny laughs handing over the bottle to Mark. Mark keeps his eyes trained on Johnny, silently muttering to himself not to be a pervert as he watches Johnny take his shirt off.

Mark's fine. He's absolutely fine.

Johnny offers up his toned back, letting Mark roll on the cream. "I'll do you afterwards. Kay?" Johnny says softly.

"Yeah you can" Mark mutters under his breath.

Mark finishes his job and hands over the bottle to Johnny, who whips off Marks t-shirt and takes his sweet time rubbing sunscreen all over Mark's back. He even turns Mark around to work on his arms and chest.

"Umm hyung what are you doing?" Mark yelps high pitched as Johnny's hands come close to his nipples.

"Hold still Mark. Or else you are going to get weird burnt spots"

Mark sprints off as soon as Johnny is done. He can't do it. He can't sit there and not pretend that his shorts aren’t tenting and his breath is coming out faster, like he'd run a marathon.

_Innocent thoughts, innocent thoughts_ he chants to himself and leaps into the water. Thankfully the sun hasn't heated up the sea yet, so the cold works wonders in helping reduce the inadvertent boner.

He stays far away from half naked Johnny and enjoys himself with almost everyone else. A couple of violent water fights with Taeil, Hyuck and Doyoung, drifting around on Jungwoo’s donut floatie and a game of chicken with Yuta, Jaehyun and Taeyong leave him breathless and giddy.

Mark is happy. He's free and _isn't going to worry about Johnny_.

.

.

.

Hyuck disappears for about fifteen minutes and comes back with buckets and a plastic shovel. "Yo! Look what I got from the reception." He cackles showing off is haul. "Oh! and they said they'll bring over snacks if we want."

There's an immediate yes from everyone so Hyuck drops the buckets and runs back to the hotel.

Mark has been monopolizing Jungwoo’s floatie for a while, drifting around looking up at clouds. But now he kind of feels like building a sandcastle. He hasn't really had the time recently and doing something childish seems like exactly the kind of nonsense that a summer vacation calls for.

He climbs out of the water and picks up a few seashells and random rocks for decoration. He gets to work piling in sand and patting it down tight before flipping it over to make the smoothest sandcastle ever.

Half an hour of work later, (in which Hyuck had stolen some of his seashells and is working on his own little castle) Mark is almost done with his masterpiece. He just needs one of those pointy seashells to place on the very top of his castle.

He shuffles through the remainder of his collection trying to find the perfect one when a shadow is cast over him. Mark looks up to find Johnny, completely soaked in sea water, dripping on to the sand. He pushes back his hair and inspects Mark's castle ohh-ing and ahh-ing at all the little details. 

Johnny looks good. Too good. A god among the mortals.

Mark scoffs at himself for projecting a ridiculous fantasy on to Johnny. But obsessing over one person does that to you. Putting them up on a pedestal, so freaking high even you can't reach it. And Johnny is so perfect that he would never fall off.

"Mark" Johnny tuts. "Where's the moat? Everything else is perfect but you need a moat to protect you castle."

What Mark needs is a moat around his heart to protect it from Johnny.

"Uhhh, I completely forgot about it." Mark says blinking against the sunlight that suddenly seems a bit too bright.

"It's cool I've got it." Johnny declares with a laugh and starts digging the perfect moat around Mark's little castle. He finishes it up with a piece of flotsam as a draw bridge. "There we go. A perfect castle for our perfect prince" Johnny nods wiping his hands on his shorts.

Mark's heart beats erratically.

He's about to run away from Johnny, again. But the serving staff of the hotel brings out snacks and drinks and places them on a low table completely distracting him. It's probably around two or three in the afternoon. Mark's stomach starts rumbling the moment he sees the food.

"Guys, food's here." Hyuck yells following behind the servers and carrying glass of half-finished pineapple juice in hand. The six other boys tumble out of the sea heading straight for the laid out platters"

"Come-on Mark. Food." Johnny extends a hand pulling him up with ease.

Mark is delighted to find there's watermelon and an assortment of grilled meats. They stuff themselves full of food and drink multi-colored juices in tall funny shaped glasses.

Mark is happy and fulfilled.

He doesn't think about Johnny. He swears…he doesn't.

.

.

.

.

They spend another hour at the beach and head back for a quick nap. A sunset barbeque has been planned and everyone is giddy with excitement.

The hotel staff arrange the grill and light the coal on fire so that none of the boys accidentally burn their eyebrows off. Several tables and chairs are dragged on to the beach and placed in a circle.

Jaehyun mans the barbeque while Johnny helps. Taeyong and Jungwoo are stealing half-finished pieces of meat off the grill , running away giggling when Jaehyun threatens them with a pair of barbeque tongs. Doyoung busies himself arranging the side dishes that have been brought from the hotel and passing around plates. He occasionally pauses to nag at Yuta and Taeil to stop eating plain kimchi.

Among the hub-bub, Mark sits down on one of the chairs and watches Johnny work. He's got an easy smile gracing is face, flitting from the meats to the grill as he assists Jaehyun with practiced ease.

The golden hour is upon them bathing Jonny in its glow. He looks up and catches Mark's gaze. Johnny sends Mark a beaming smile, eyes crinkling at the edges looking like something out of a hazy summer dream.

It hurts. Looking at Johnny hurts - in a good way. Maybe he's a masochist. Mark muses. Hyuck is back at the shoreline dipping his feet into the waves. Mark gets up and joins him.

He refuses to be mopey.

Mark passes by where the sandcastle he built was. It's crumbled, washed away with the rising waves and all that's left are bits and pieces of seashells buried in the sand. He sighs and walks past. Nope. Not going to be mopey.

Sneaking up behind Hyuck, Mark grabs the little imp, pretending to throw him into the water. The high-pitched scream that Donghyuck emits makes him regret it.

"Oh my _Jesus_ you are so freaking loud." Mark whines, covering his ears trying to stop the aftereffects of Hyuck's scream ringing in his ears.

"And you are dead if you try that again" Hyuck says crossing his arms and smirking.

"So, I'm rooming with Taeil for the next two days. Johnny will take my bed" Hyuck says casually, as if he hasn't dropped a bomb on Mark.

Mark gulps audibly. "Ahh….why though?"

"Taeil hyung asked me to swap with Johnny. Apparently, he snores too much" Hyuck mumbles quickly. Mark can almost taste the lie.

"I see." He replies guarded. They walk in silence for a bit before Hyuck stops.

"For what it's worth Mark I think you need to tell him" 

Mark's sighs are carried off by the wind. But the tiredness and pinched lips remain.

"I know it's none of my business. But it's Johnny. You _know_ him. And I think telling him will either get you what you want. Or it'll help you move on." Hyuck says placing a gentle hand on Mark's shoulder. "And honestly I think it'll hurt a bit less than it does right now."

Mark needs a hug.

He takes it from Donghyuck.

"Why are you so wise?" He mumbles into Hyuck's neck.

Hyuck laughs and winds his arms around Mark's waist, giving him a good squeeze. "Cause you're so dumb. So, the universe made me wise to balance it out."

They stay like that until Taeyong calls them back to eat.

* * *

Mark showered and cleaned himself of the barbeque smell and copious amounts of sand. There's sand in his hair, between his toes and even in the little crook of his thighs. He spends an unnecessarily long time holed up in the bathroom avoiding his inevitable fate. Johnny had taken a shower before him and is probably sitting out in the balcony waiting for Mark.

Mark is reluctant to face him, to say the least. He hears Hyuck’s voice in his head telling him to _just go for it_. Mark imagines Hyuck in a cheerleader outfit and pom-poms in hand, cheering him on. It raises a giggle. It's childish and ridiculous but it calms him down enough to finish off his shower.

He finally shuts off the valve and steps out of the shower stall, his fingers all pruned. Wiping himself down with the soft fluffy towel Mark opens the bathroom door and makes his way to his bed. He'd laid out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt earlier. 

Johnny is out on the balcony, as expected, and all the lights are off in the room except for the one near the bed. The muted lighting serves its purpose in concealing Mark as he hurriedly gets dressed.

He stretches out the aches in his back and sides and tries to get the stiff knot out of his back that's been bothering him for a while.The hot water from the shower loosened him up somewhat but the pain persisted. He'd probably played too hard in the water and aggravated his regular back pains. A staple of being a performer.

"Is your back bothering you?" Johnny asks standing near the window, backlit by the light from outside. His hair is haloing around his head soft from his bath.

Mark twists at the waist groaning at the tenderness of the muscles at his hips. "Kind of"

"You should probably make use of the spa here. Jungwoo tried it out yesterday afternoon. He swears he feels like newborn" Johnny says, closing the window and pulling the curtains shut.

"Don't really feel like having some random person's hands on me hyung" Mark grimaces. He's always had an aversion to being touched by people in general. The only people who he'd willingly allow to touch him are his team and his family.

For him, spas are kind of a like mini torture chambers that smell nice.

Johnny sits on his bed eying Mark's stretch routine.

"So, you just don't like strangers touching you right? I'm pretty good at giving massages. If you don't mind, I can do it for you"

Mark freezes while reaching for his toes. He coughs out a garbled "what".

"I have some lavender oil mix in my bag. It's like supposed to be soothing or something. And I'm pretty skilled with my hands." Johnny smirks. It's his usual humor. But Mark's train of thought can't get beyond the fact that he can have Johnny's hands on his body.

Mark is the devil. He's taking advantage of the situation. He berates himself and then concedes to convince himself that if his plans on confessing goes badly, he might as well have Johnny touch him in any way he can get.

"If you're sure, hyung." Mark says meekly.

Johnny digs around his bag and comes up with a small designer bottle with a purple colored label. He pats the bed and invites Mark to lay down on his stomach.

"You've got to take your t-shirt off though."

Mark pulls off his top, dumps it on his bed and lies down in Johnny's. He looks over his shoulder and sees Johnny pour out the oil into his hands and rub them together making the entire room smell like lavender.

"I'm going to kind of sit on your thighs, ok? Or else _I'm_ going to end up with back pains from bending over you all twisted." Johnny says with a pat to Mark's thigh.

Mark's fine….he's absolutely fine.

He mumbles an _okay_ and waits for Johnny to climb up behind him. Mark realizes that the room is still in semi darkness, the bedside lamp the only source of light. It's unnecessarily sensual.

The first push of Johnny's hands has him melting into the bed with a groan. He's forgotten how good it feels to be massaged.

"See Mark. I said I was good. But you've seriously got some nasty knots in your shoulders." Johnny says, worry lacing his previous jaunty tone.

Mark nods in agreement and let's Johnny work over his back. His hands insistent, pressing on all the sore spots turning Mark into mush.

Johnny's palms sweep across his back from his tailbone up to shoulders in long glides. It feels heavenly.

"A bit harder hyung" he mumbles into the crook of his elbow. But Johnny seems to have heard. He applies more pressure.

Mark's groans turn to moans and his breath starts coming out in pants. He's hard in his boxers and trying his best not to cant his hips down on to the bed.

He is not a nice person. He thinks to himself. He's taking advantage, but it feels way too good.

Johnny moves down to Mark's lower back working over his hips. And Mark is suddenly surprised when Johnny dips his thumbs into his dimples that lie right above his ass.

He moans low as his hips involuntarily lift up right into Johnny's crotch.

And oh.

Johnny's hard. He's warm and thick and Mark can feel everything through the two thin layers of cotton.

Johnny's hands still on his back and Mark hears the low curse ringing out of his mouth.

" _Shit_ "

Mark looks over his shoulders to see Johnny looking back at him. Eyes wide and desperate. And Mark realizes.

Johnny knows. Johnny knows everything. And the look in his eyes feel so similar to what Mark has been feeling for the past couple of years.

Lost. Guilty. Unsure. But so in love.

Mark feels a little bit betrayed because he thought he'd been weathering this alone, all these years. But Johnny has been just as alone.

He shuffles and turns over onto his back and looks up at Johnny. He's looking at Mark reverently searching through his eyes for something.

Mark slides one hand into Johnny's hair and the other over his shoulder and brings him down. He pours out everything. All the bottled-up feelings, all the yearning and tears and longing glances into a deep kiss. Johnny reciprocates in kind.

"Hyung. Hyung. I love you. I love you much" Mark gasps into the kiss, tears pooling at the corner of his eyes.

"I know baby. I know" Johnny coos. Running his hands through Mark's hair and rubbing the tears that threaten to fall along the side of his face.

Johnny gently settles down on top of Mark gathering him into a hug and kisses him for all the times he hasn't been able to. Mark winds his arms around Johnny's neck and hooks his legs around Johnny's hips pulling him in as close as he can.

"I'm so sorry I didn't say anything before" Johnny says leaving a quick peck on Mark's cheek. "I wanted to but there was this feeling stopping me. I wanted you to make the first move. You have this habit of saying yes to people, even when you feel pressured to do so. And I didn't want to be one of those people you just say yes to. I wanted you to be sure and ask me yourself. But Mark you took so damn long " Johnny sighs into the side of Mark's neck.

"I'm sorry hyung" Mark whispers softly.

"But there's so much to think of. You know how much I stress over things and it's hard to just admit to something like this. Watching Taeyong hyung and Jaehyun hyung have what I want with you, it's been hard. And it hurt so damn much. But that's the thing. They have the courage to go for it because they have at least one fixed point in their lives that they could go back to. And rely on. Taeyong has his sister if nothing else. And we know how his parents are too sweet to abandon their kids for any reason.

And Jaehyun hyung is the apple of his parent’s eyes. They'd probably get him the world if they could.

Johnny cards his hands though Mark's hair and lets him continue.

"But what about _us_ hyung? We have so much to lose and so many shaky variables. Our group may seem like a solid base to fall back on, but _hyung_ , we are all _kids_. Playing dress up. It's not sustainable to build up a dream that we'll all be together no matter how old we get. No matter what happens to us. Still if you think about it even you have a fixed point even if she's miles away. Your mom loves you so much she'd never turn her back on you. Even if you end up loving someone like me…''

Mark takes a shaky breath.

"Eventually people go their own way and me……. I'm going to get left behind picking up pieces when things fall apart. Us getting together is...it's adding something absolutely volatile to the already unstable mix.

Are we going to be strong and whether it through hyung, or are we going to be like my little sandcastle? One strong wave and it's swept away into the sea." Mark ends with a soft sob.

Johnny flips them over so Mark is lying on top of him. He rubs circles on Mark's back calming him down as much as he can.

"Sometimes, I hate that you're a lyricist. Too freaking poetic for your own good. You want a fixed point. I'll be it, Mark. Trust me to be there for you no matter what. Even if we fight and you hate me and throw me away, I'll be there. Waiting with a bowl of watermelon and a shoulder to lean on."

Mark gives a watery smile, "Now who's being sappy?"

"Yeah sue me. I was adjusting to the mood. And Mark, don't worry about the future so much. Just live in the present. We are going to live in the moment _every. single. day_. And we are going to enjoy it. So obviously the future's going to be great."

If Johnny says. So, it will be.

Mark takes three long deep breaths and let's all the clouded thoughts dissipate.

"Ok. Live in the moment. I can do that" he says with a wobbly smile.

"Good." Johnny beams and leans in for a kiss.

.

.

.

It's been about three hours since they got back from the beach and since then Mark had gone through what is probably the most dramatic moment of his entire life, so far.

He's now lying underneath Johnny being kissed silly. His heart aches with how full it is. Johnny trails kisses along Mark's neck sucking bruises in random patterns and sits back up and smiles as if he can't believe how lucky he is.

"God you're so pretty." He says placing a gentle kiss on Mark's knuckles. Mark smiles so hard his eyes scrunch up.

He can feel Johnny's erection pushing at his thigh. It's too much too soon, but he's going to be living in the moment. No more take backs no more second guessing. Mark lifts his leg just right so that it rubs against Johnny's cock.

Johnny groans and grinds down onto Mark's thigh leaving a wet spot on his shorts.

"Shit Mark, I didn't think we'd….it's ok if you don't want to do it right now. We can take it slow." Johnny reassures him with a palm against his cheek.

Mark shakes his head. "I want it hyung. I want it really badly. You, in me."

Johnny lets out a shaky breath and kisses Mark slow. "You're fucking perfect Mark Lee. An absolute dream"

Mark basks in the glow of praise. It's perfect being loved by Johnny. It's easy and warm and everything he needs.

Johnny searches his bag again and turns up with condoms and lube. Mark raises an eyebrow and stares pointedly. "Is that some sort of magic bag, cause there was lavender oil and now lubes and condoms?"

Johnny laughs and smacks Mark on the thigh. "Shut it you. Hyuck may or may not have bought these and dumped them on me. When I asked what they were for he asked me not to question his clairvoyant abilities. He scares me sometimes"

Mark needs to buy Hyuck something nice. He's been too good to Mark.

"How do you want me?" Mark asks coyly looking up at Johnny through his lashes.

"Just as you are baby" Johnny answers, humble.

Mark shimmies off his shorts and watches Johnny do the same. He lies back down and raises his hips, so Johnny has better access.

"So fucking pretty and all mine" Johnny sighs trailing his hands across Mark's thighs.

He preps Mark with such care that he's begging for it by the fourth finger. "Hyung please." Mark hiccups. "Please fuck me. It's too much I can't take it anymore"

Johnny shushes him with a kiss and pulls out his fingers. "I've got you Mark. It's ok. Such good boy for his hyung. Aren't you?"

Mark sobs out a soft _Yes_ "I'm good. I'll be so good Hyung. Please"

Johnny rolls on the condom and nudges the tip of his cock against Mark's pliant entrance. Mark wiggles down to get it in. He needs something in him. Now.

Johnny goes slow. So slow that Mark feels every single inch. He's a sobbing mess by the time Johnny bottoms out. "Oh God. 's so good hyung. So full." Mark babbles, pushing his ass down in jerky movements.

Johnny keeps his pace and grinds his hips into Mark drawing out moans of pleasure and to _please go harder_.

"It's ok Mark. Hyung knows what he's doing."

Mark wails when Johnny hits his prostate and grinds down slow and steady. He's been leaking for a while unable to stop the steady stream of pre-come dripping from his cock on to his stomach. Mark pants through Johnny's short thrusts, wanting him to go harder but at the same time to drag it out as long and slow as possible.

His toes curl in pleasure as Johnny constantly aims for the one place that has him crying out to higher powers. "god. Hyung. I can't. I'm…going to cum."

Johnny leans back and pulls Mark up on to his lap and…oh… he did not think Johnny could go deeper. He's lifted and fucked straight through his orgasm. Mark cries out and cums all over Johnny's torso clinging to his shoulders as Johnny continues to fuck him, bordering on overstimulation. He sobs and latches onto Johnny's shoulder, burrowing his face in Johnny's neck.

"I love you. I love so much hyung. You're so good to me. Cum for me hyung" and Johnny moans guttural and deep and empties inside Mark, warm through the condom.

They are left panting, trying to come down from the high. Mark glides his hands through the sweat that's beading along Johnny's back.

Johnny softly lays Mark down on the bed and pulls out. He removes the condom and ties it before throwing it into the bin in the bathroom. Running cold water over two face towels, he wipes himself down with one and tenderly attends to Mark with the other.

Clean and sated they settle down on Mark's bed, tangled together.

Johnny caresses Mark's hip with his thumb and stares at his face, so full of adoration, Mark feels like he's drowning. But it's a good kind of drowning. Warm and kind of perfect. He kisses Johnny and lays his head down ready to sleep.

With Johnny there beside him Mark thinks he can do it.

Living in the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> cries idk. was it ok? D:


End file.
